A word about your compere. . .

Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the shockingly good Paul Wooding, the only man in tech PR brave enough to tread the boards at The Flackenhacks. . .

Last year, Paul did the honours onstage. He was good, really good. This year, he says he is going to properly let himself off the leash. We're already receiving broad hints about gags involving cancer-stricken celebrities.

Anyway, here's the boy's own Miss World-style biography. . .

What did you do before PR?

I spent my formative years giving Sonic The Hedgehog a hard time in print.

Why did you become a PR?

I like to tell everyone it was the lure of working for a client in the pneumatics’ industry, but if I'm honest it was the lucre.

Tell us about your hobbies. . . 

I have a penchant for Styrofoam. I sometimes roam the streets of East Sheen making owl noises.

Your greatest wish?

To climb Primrose Hill.

Ideal job?

Selling vegetable stew at music festivals.

In these straightened times, we reckon that publication of this could add a frisson to Paul's next performance review. As in: Paul, we'd like to discuss your stew concept. When do you think you can start?. . .